Creating a season of light, for everyone
Photo by Couleur, Pixabay
With Thanksgiving in the rear-view mirror and the holiday season looming ahead, our thoughts inevitably turn to the mechanics, the practicalities, of making it all happen. From school programs and church potlucks to holiday office parties and cranking out the annual card, this time of year is full of busy-ness, hustle and bustle, and all sorts of merriment for many.
But not necessarily for all, and that’s why we’re sharing our annual plea to carve out space in these busy times and places for seniors and disabled people. Loneliness, even at the holidays, is rampant in these communities, and even when elderly or differently abled people are invited to participate in events, getting to (or staying at) those parties and programs and concerts can be a challenge. So here are some tips to help seniors and disabled folks maximize their holiday cheer, and fill the season with joy for everyone.
Notice the challenges, and plan how to compensate for them. For example, a relative who’s hard of hearing may need special accommodation at concerts, movies, and other crowded public events. They may also need the peace and quietude of a few smaller gatherings, or even one-on-one time to really engage and keep them from feeling isolated and left out.
By the same token, folks who have trouble getting around might need a sturdy cane, a walker, or a wheelchair, and they will definitely need extra time. Also consider the bathroom needs of your elderly or disabled guest; building in some “rest stops” would probably be good for your whole group! In addition to planning for potential physical challenges, also consider the emotional impact of disrupted routines, less sleep, and social demands on your loved one.
Have real conversations about wants and limits, and let your loved one lead out. One great way to include an elderly or disabled person is to be straightforward: ask your guest what they’re up for, what they’d like to do among the activities you’re planning, and perhaps what they miss doing. Really listen to what they have to say. Engage. Ask questions. You may find that your loved one is tired of or not up to repeating a longstanding tradition, and it may be time to let that activity go, or to let them sit it out. Alternatively, you may find they’re up for more than you expect, or that they’d love to try some delightfully new things.
After that conversation, ask yourself: with a little creative thinking, could you make a few of those things happen? Maybe your person wants to skip a community concert, but make time to write and send a holiday letter. Perhaps they want to find a way to reconnect with old friends or hold a Christmas brunch rather than a dinner, because they’re more energetic early in the day. Talk things over, think things out, and help your loved one build a holiday that is both happy and manageable for them.
Build inclusive events into your holiday. Long shopping sessions at the mall or winter hikes are fantastic for some people, but exhausting-to-impossible for many older and disabled people. As you plan your holidays, consider building in activities that can accommodate everyone.
Think activities like taking a drive to listen to holiday music while you look at lights. Involve your loved one in research (the most lit-up areas are often mentioned online) and route planning, and include a stop at the end for hot chocolate or other treats. Alternatively, you could plan a night of cookie baking, followed by having your most able-bodied family members (kids are great candidates for this) deliver them to the porches of lucky recipients while the rest of you wave from the car. If your person loves shopping but can’t get around, you could take them for a short in-person session in a wheelchair or motorized chair, followed by some online shopping together, so that you can help with any technical issues that might come up. Once the gifts arrive, offer to help wrap them together while you watch “White Christmas” or another holiday classic.
When you can, go to them. Many elderly folks are not set up to host a huge gathering. But that doesn’t mean they’re not up for a few visits with smaller groups or individuals. Bring a game to play, pictures of past holidays to enjoy, some Christmas stories to read aloud, or some food to share. Does your loved one have a favorite type of fast food or other takeout? This might be a great time to share a treat like that. Or, if you bring a meal you’ve prepared and their space allows it, you could portion up leftovers and put them in the person’s freezer to provide some future meals, too.
Even when you can’t go in person, make sure to make regular contact with your loved one throughout the holiday season. How you do this will depend on how they communicate best: some folks with hearing issues prefer email or video calls, while for others, a phone call is most comfortable. Video calls allow everyone to enjoy “face to face” time, even if it’s virtual, and there are many easy-to-use technologies available. And face time is important to everyone, not just seniors—and not just at the holidays.
Give them time. The holidays are a bit ironic in that, while it’s important to find time for quiet and decompression, it’s also extremely difficult. But for the elderly and disabled people in your life, it’s even more vital. So first, give them time to adjust, building lots of extra time into your schedule to accommodate adjustments to new situations, mobility problems, and other issues. Some families prefer to give a loved one an overnight at their house before a big event, so that everyone is together long before the event takes place and so that the elderly person has some time to adjust to the change and get comfortable.
These folks also need time to rest, so don’t overbook them—for that matter, don’t overbook yourself! Be aware that their threshold for exhaustion may be lower than your own, and allow space for them to opt out of some activities while still being included in the family circle for others. Probably most importantly, give them time to connect: visits with small groups of friends, undistracted time with family, gathering a group to watch a holiday concert or special, or just quiet talks together while the holidays unfold around you.
Finally, gift thoughtfully. Elderly people rarely need more “stuff,” and many don’t have space for it. You could try giving them the gift of experiences, like certificates to see a show or have dinner at a new (or long-beloved) restaurant. Think about what would delight your loved one, rather than just what they “need”: what do they enjoy? what makes them smile? Besides that, your person might really benefit from improvements to their space that help them better handle daily tasks, live independently, and make their homes safer and more comfortable.
Perhaps they need a heavier living-room rug, rather than the one they currently own that curls up at the corners, creating a tripping hazard. Perhaps they need some grab bars or rails installed to help them navigate their space more safely. Installing ergonomic drawer and counter pulls that make it easier for them to access kitchen and bathroom cabinetry is another way to improve daily living for a small cost. Or perhaps it’s time to look into some larger improvements, like a walk-in or roll-in shower or an entrance ramp. If you’ve reached that stage, Evolve might be able to help you figure out not only what’s best for your loved one’s particular situation, but how to pay for it at the most minimal possible cost.
“Peanuts” creator Charles M. Schulz made it beautifully simple when he wrote, “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.” Regardless of how you choose to spend this holiday season, if you are making a sincere effort to include and bring joy to all the people you love, your holidays will be filled with light—for your elderly or disabled loved one, and for you, as well.
